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Archive for May, 2014

To Love a Boy

I lay my head beside her. She is exhausted, emotionally and physically spent. I stroke her hair as we listen to the now familiar beeps of monitors, the occasional whoosh of movement, the strong and steady beat of the tiny 27 week heart she is fighting so hard to keep inside her. I wipe a tear from her cheek and she whispers, “Tell me what it’s like to have a baby boy.” And I try to steady my voice as I reach for the hand protectively covering her own little boy and I say:

“You will change millions of diapers. If diaper changing were an Olympic sport, you would win the gold. You will be able to clean and wipe and powder and reach for any number of things while keeping him covered in case of an unexpected shower. He will wiggle and dance and love the freedom of his nakedness, the feel of the air on his skin. He will giggle and coo and sing you songs and tell you stories while you work. He will smile and his eyes will twinkle and you will think to yourself that he is such a happy, beautiful and perfect baby. That his soul is so good that it can’t help but shine from his eyes. But what you won’t know is that the story he is telling you, the reason for his laughter, that sparkle in his eyes, is because he has been patiently and excitedly waiting for the day to finally come, the inevitable moment, the fraction of a second that you will distractedly forget to cover him. And that is the moment he has waited for his entire life. He will spray you and himself and soak everything in a five foot radius. And as you frantically reach for something, anything, to cover him, he will shriek with delight and gales of laughter. As pee drips from your hair to your cheeks, and dangerously close to your lips, you will see that twinkle in his eye and you will know if he had the muscle coordination and the vocabulary he would say, “High five, mama! That was even better than I imagined it would be!” And because there is nothing more contagious than a baby’s laughter, you will smile, and begin to giggle yourself, and you will scoop him up and wonder at how you feel such indescribable love.”

And her lips show a trace of a smile, her breathing steadies, and finally, she sleeps.

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