My husband and I have a very deep, dark, and dirty secret that I am going to share with the world today. I’ll be honest, my stomach is in knots thinking of the backlash I am risking. I am fully aware that the majority of people out there will disagree completely with me. Believe me, I have already spent the past several years getting earfuls of lectures, contempt and disgust disguised under thinly veiled pretenses of friendly advice and neighborly concern. I have a thin skin, and don’t take letting others down lightly. Doing something that other people disagree with, and look down on, is almost impossible for me. But this was something we decided to go against the grain with, and for us, and our family, it turned out to be absolutely the right decision.
So here it is. We did not potty train our oldest son.
When his friends began using the potty at two, we felt the pressure to get it done. But Addison wasn’t feeling that same pressure. He wasn’t the least bit interested, and when we tried to encourage him, it quickly became very clear that he could not care less. No amount of praise or bribery were worth it to him. He’s a pretty smart kid, and I don’t think it took him long to decide that the rest of us were the idiots for interrupting our play, our sleep, our errands, our whatever, for a trip to the bathroom. Why bother, when there is this wonderful invention called the diaper that lets you go on with all of your activities while you go?
When we tried to force the issue, the tantrums were epic. Well-meaning advice givers would tell him that he would be a big boy if he began using the potty. I honestly believe that this was the reason for the majority of his resistance. The last thing in the world that this kid has ever wanted is to be a big boy. He associates that with leaving mommy and daddy, which is something he has sworn he will never do. So staying a little boy is just fine by him, and what better way to accomplish that than to refuse to use the potty?
We were fortunate that his preschool made an exception and allowed him to attend in pull-ups. We were fortunate that none of his playmates teased him. We were fortunate that Pull-Ups came in size 4T-5T. We were fortunate to have fairly optimistic natures and just held tight to the belief that we would get through it and that, eventually, it would work itself out. You know, hope springs eternal and all that.
It wasn’t all that different from most of the other struggles we’ve faced as parents. With the exception of a stinky, soggy diaper to contend with, it really is like any other child rearing experience. Remember thinking you’d never get more than three consecutive hours of sleep? Or that you would never make it to church without fighting on the way, due to the elevated blood pressure caused by the screaming infant in the back seat? Or taking your baby in those first few times for vaccinations? You just grit your teeth, close your eyes, and in this case, plug your nose, and then pray fervently that you will come out the other side with your patience, and sanity, still somewhat intact.
So I suppose you are wondering by now how Addison finally came to wear underwear. I have two words for you. Buzz Lightyear. Or is it three? Buzz Light Year. Whatever. Anyway, I knew that there wasn’t a chance in heck he’d be allowed to wear pull-ups in Kindergarten. But both Patrick and I still refused to turn our home into a war zone, so I did the only thing I could think of to do. I lied. I went to Target and bought that ultra cool Buzz, you know, the one for a gagillion dollars? When I brought it home, I put it up on top of the refrigerator without allowing Addison a close look. I told him that the box clearly stated that “This toy is not intended for use by children in diapers or pull-ups. Must wear underwear and use potty prior to play.” And then I told him to let me know when he had put his underwear on, and that I would get it down for him. It took a day and a half of convincing him that the box really did, in real life, say those words. But before day two, Addison was using the potty and wearing his underwear “to infinity, and beyond!” And that’s all it took! No training necessary!
Okay, that cracks me up!
Two words: Whatever Works! 🙂 I love it!
Or is that three? What ever works? Whatever! 🙂
I have no criticism at all. I think that is pure genius. PURE GENIUS.
A major compliment from the gal who had her son potty trained at, what was it — birth? 🙂 Lucky you with the easy child! Except you did have that poop on the bed incident…. 🙂 🙂 🙂
I think it is hysterical that you got 500 hits on this one.
Oh, we’re waaaaaayyyyy past 500!
From Facebook:
Chaundra Anderson:
beautiful! i love the way you write. i love the way you parent. thanks for sharing this, i believe it will encourage someone that needs it!
August 21 at 5:14pm
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Lori Boland-Peterson:
I second Chaundra. I’ve enjoyed your writing very much. It makes me smile and feel a little more human. Keep it coming!
August 21 at 7:45pm
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Jo Ella Eriksen:
Nice work– a fun read, and an encouragement to me in my lack-of-potty-training travails of the moment.
August 21 at 8:00pm
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Elizabeth Williams:
Thanks for your support and encouragement, ladies! Funny thing, I’ve had over 500 hits on this post! Do you think that has anything to do with the title and first few sentences? Bet there were some disappointed folks…. 🙂
August 21 at 8:11pm
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Carley Crawford-Wilson:
Beth… I am a follower!! I LOVE your blog. You are an amazing writer. Everyone cracks me up… I look forward to more. xoxo
August 22 at 6:50pm
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Elizabeth Williams:
Carley, thanks so much! I can only imagine you have a few hysterical stories to tell, yourself!
August 22 at 7:50pm